There’s helping around the house, and then there’s helping around the house after being asked four times while a parent stands beside the dishwasher. When we asked the Frolo community whether their children pitch in, the replies covered both—and plenty in between.

Some children were setting tables and sorting laundry. Others needed reminders, encouragement or a clear idea of what to do next. As one parent put it: “If I ask them!!!”

For single parents, getting children involved can mean a few fewer jobs on an already long list. But teaching a task, remembering to ask and checking it has happened are jobs too. So how do you encourage children to help without creating another complicated system to manage?

Here’s what parents in the Frolo community shared, along with practical ideas to try in your own home.

What chores do children actually do at home?

The replies included making beds, clearing up after dinner, bringing down washing, putting toys away and helping with laundry. These were everyday contributions fitted around school and family life, with varying levels of enthusiasm.

One parent said their nearly 11-year-old makes his bed, tidies his room and brings his washing down when he gets changed. Their approach was deliberately realistic: “I just don't expect the earth”.

Another described a nine-year-old who brings in washing, makes his own breakfast, sets the table and puts his toys away. They were considering more washing-up and cooking, although there was a familiar complication: they quite liked being left alone in the kitchen.

That’s a useful reminder that involving children sometimes means accepting a slower job now while they learn. It is also reasonable to pick a quieter moment for teaching, rather than introducing a cooking lesson when everyone is hungry.

What are age-appropriate chores for kids?

Start with what your child can manage safely, with the support they need. Age can offer a starting point, but confidence, disability, coordination and experience matter too. A birthday doesn’t automatically mean a child knows how to load a dishwasher.

Keep sharp utensils, hot surfaces, cleaning chemicals and heavy items in mind when choosing jobs. Teach the task before expecting independence, and adjust it if it is frustrating or inaccessible.

The American Academy of Pediatrics’ guide to age-appropriate chores offers further ideas. You don’t need to introduce several jobs at once: one manageable routine is a useful beginning.

How can I get my child to help without constant reminders?

Several responses suggested that children were willing to contribute once asked. The harder part was getting from an adult’s reminder to a task happening routinely.

One parent described an almost ten-year-old who helps with the dishwasher, vacuuming and laundry, but generally needs several reminders. Another said their 11-year-old has no formal jobs but helps with clearing up and sorting laundry when asked.

If that sounds familiar, try making the request smaller and more specific. “Help me tidy up” leaves plenty to interpret. “Please put your dirty clothes in the basket before your shower” gives a task and a moment to do it.

A few approaches to experiment with:

• Attach a job to something that already happens. Clear your place after dinner, or put your clothes in the basket when changing.
• Show what finished looks like. “Tidy your room” could mean anything from clearing the floor to reorganising a wardrobe.
• Give one instruction at a time. Start with the first step rather than listing everything that needs doing.
• Offer a limited choice. Would they prefer to set the table or help clear it?
• Notice the contribution. “Thanks for bringing the washing down—that saves me a trip” makes its value clear.

These are things to try, rather than a guarantee of a reminder-free household. If a routine doesn’t stick, look at the task, timing and support before adding more jobs.

Can a checklist help children become more independent?

One parent shared an evening routine that was working well for their 11-year-old. At 8pm, while the parent settles a younger sibling, the older child checks homework, charges her phone, gets ready for bed and prepares lunch or snacks as needed.

The parent said she had “done really well staying on top of it”.

That example also broadens what counts as helping. A child managing some of their own preparations can reduce the number of things a parent has to hold in their head, even if it doesn’t involve a mop.

You could try a short written or picture checklist for one part of the day. Build it together, keep it visible and include only what is useful. If it becomes another thing to argue about, simplify it.

What if my child needs extra support with household tasks?

The same parent described taking a different approach with a younger child: a large basket beside the front door for shoes, a backpack and a coat, plus a simple routine around putting activities away. Their aim was to establish a few manageable habits.

Another parent said their child with additional needs rarely helps with wider chores but does take responsibility for some of his own belongings. That contribution counts too.

Fairness does not require identical jobs for every sibling. One child might put away a whole load of laundry; another might sort a few items with you. A child may need a picture prompt, a more accessible storage place, company while starting or a smaller task.

Avoid using another child’s achievements as the benchmark. Look at what is workable for this child and this family, and seek individual advice if you need help adapting a routine.

Should you pay children for chores?

Frolo parents described different arrangements. One does not pay for ordinary chores but rewards consideration and thoughtfulness. Another offered extra screen time for additional jobs, only to discover their teenager was keen to negotiate more work for more screen time.

There isn’t one arrangement you have to adopt. You might choose unpaid everyday contributions, payment for occasional extra jobs, or pocket money that is separate from chores.

If you offer a reward, agree the task and reward beforehand. It can also help to distinguish between routine expectations and optional extras, so every plate doesn’t become a fresh negotiation.

If paying for chores doesn’t suit your budget or your approach, keep requests manageable and explain how everyone’s contribution helps the home run.

How much should children help in a single-parent household?

It is reasonable to ask children to contribute, while keeping space for school, rest, friendships and play. Being in a single-parent family doesn’t mean a child should take on the role of another adult.

A useful starting point is responsibility for some of their own belongings, plus an achievable shared task. Revisit the arrangement when school demands, health or family circumstances change.

Share tasks without assuming that girls will clean or older siblings will always take over. Adults remain responsible for making sure the household and children are cared for, even when children are learning to contribute.

Start with one thing that would make tomorrow easier

You don’t need a colour-coded rota before anyone can put a sock in a basket. Choose one recurring task, explain it, practise it together and see how it goes. It might be clearing breakfast things, putting shoes in one place or bringing washing downstairs.

And if reading about other children’s helpful habits has left you with ideas, you’re in good company. One Frolo parent replied: “Please keep posting all these wonderful things the kids do to help around the house...I’m going to read it to mine!”

For more conversations about the practical realities of single parenting, join the Frolo community. Bring your ideas, questions and the jobs that still require four reminders.

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