For many separated parents, Christmas isn’t one long, cosy day at home. It can mean handovers, packing bags, long car journeys and children trying their best to enjoy “two Christmases” while managing a whole mix of emotions. As a single parent, it’s completely normal to feel the pressure of wanting everything to run smoothly while also hoping your children feel happy, secure and loved. If your kids are moving between two homes this Christmas and you’re searching for ways to keep things relaxed, here are some gentle, practical suggestions that really help.

Agree arrangements early (and keep them simple)

One of the easiest ways to keep Christmas calm is to make the plans early. When children know where they’re going and when, it gives everyone a sense of security. Try to keep the arrangements as clear and simple as possible, even if the schedule isn’t perfect. Agree the days your children will be with each parent, decide who’s handling the travel and set a pick-up time you both feel comfortable with. Once it’s decided, aim to stick to it, because last-minute changes are often stressful for kids. Even if communication with your co-parent is tricky, a short, neutral message like, “Shall we confirm times for Christmas so it’s easier on the kids?” can open the door.

Support kids emotionally before the big day

Children often feel torn at Christmas and may quietly worry about letting one parent down. A bit of emotional preparation can help enormously. Talk openly about what the arrangements will be and reassure them that it’s completely normal to feel excited and sad at the same time. Let them know they don’t need to perform or pretend – they just need to be themselves. Remind them that both parents love them and that the plan is designed to make sure they get to enjoy time with everyone who matters.

Make transitions as calm and predictable as possible

The handover itself sets the tone for the rest of the day, so keeping it calm can make a big difference. Children can be overstimulated from celebrations, late nights or big feelings, so predictable transitions are soothing. If possible, avoid handovers in the middle of big moments like halfway through gift-opening. Choose a neutral spot that feels comfortable, keep the goodbye or hello warm and brief and have a gentle routine ready for when you get home – maybe hot chocolate, a small snack, a film or simply sitting together quietly until they settle.

Don’t try to replicate the other household – create your own version

It’s easy to feel pressured when you know your child is experiencing another household’s celebration too. Rather than worrying about matching or competing with it, focus on making your home feel like your version of Christmas. Children don’t need two identical celebrations. In fact, they often enjoy that each home has its own little rituals, whether it’s a particular breakfast, a walk you always take, or a cosy afternoon film with blankets on the sofa. When you set your own rhythm, the comparison pressure melts away.

Keep presents simple and, where possible, coordinated

If you’re able to communicate with your co-parent, coordinating gifts can reduce unnecessary duplication and make things calmer for the kids. A quick message to agree a rough budget or decide who’s buying the “big” gift can be enough. But if communication isn’t easy, keep the focus on the thought behind your gifts rather than on matching costs. Steer away from asking detailed comparison questions about the other home and remind your children that presents don’t measure love. Your calm and confidence will help them relax.

Build in recovery time for kids

Christmas can be wonderful, but it’s also exhausting – especially for children who are moving between two homes. Try to protect a bit of downtime before and after transitions. Avoid booking heavy plans or squeezing in too many extra activities on the days they’re arriving or leaving. Expect tears, tantrums or quiet moments; this isn’t misbehaviour, it’s pent-up emotion. Give them time to decompress with something simple and comforting, whether that’s cuddling under a blanket, drawing, watching a favourite show or just chatting together about the day.

Decide your own Christmas rhythm – not society’s

If your child isn’t with you for Christmas morning, remind yourself that Christmas can happen whenever you decide it should. Children love extra celebrations, and celebrating a day early or late often becomes one of those special family quirks they remember fondly as adults. If your child arrives on Boxing Day, make that your “Christmas morning”. Put on the music, do stockings, make a festive breakfast and open gifts together. The calendar doesn’t matter – the togetherness does.

Release the guilt and embrace your version of Christmas

Single parents are often incredibly hard on themselves at Christmas. Try to let go of the idea that you need to create a picture-perfect day or keep up with traditions that no longer fit your family. Children feel safest when their parent is relaxed and emotionally present, not when the tree looks perfect or the table is beautifully set. Show yourself the kindness you show your children. It’s more than enough.

Take care of yourself while your child is with their other parent

This is one of the tenderest parts of Christmas for many single parents. It can feel strange or sad when your child is celebrating somewhere else. Try to make gentle plans for yourself so the time doesn’t feel empty or difficult. Maybe invite a friend for a walk, cook something comforting just for you, watch a festive film you love or curl up with a book. Avoid doom-scrolling or comparing your day to other families online. It’s absolutely okay to feel emotional – it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.

End the season with a positive ritual

When the celebrations are over, create a small ritual that brings everything together. It could be a New Year’s Day walk, a hot chocolate at your favourite café, or simply sitting together and talking about the best moments from your Christmas. It helps children close the season feeling grounded, loved and connected – which is the calmest gift you can give them.

There’s no single right way to co-parent at Christmas. What matters is that your children feel cared for, safe and able to enjoy the holiday without too much pressure. Your version of Christmas as a single parent might look different from others, but that doesn’t make it any less meaningful. The Frolo community is always here to support you, whether you’re navigating handovers, emotions or simply trying to find a quiet moment for yourself.

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