Raising Body-Confident Kids as a Single Parent

By Dr Charlotte Ord - Author of Body Confident You, Body Confident Kid

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Between shifting hormones, growing independence, and relentless messages from social media and pop culture, body image concerns are showing up in kids’ lives earlier and earlier.  And as a single parent, you might be worried about how to best support your kid.

The good news is that you don’t have to have a brilliant body image yourself or be a perfect role model to help foster body confidence in your child.  Small, consistent actions, open conversations, and a willingness to lean into self-compassion can make a significant difference in how your kid feels about their body

Why Body Image Starts Young

Research shows that by age 10, many children have already internalised ideas about what the “ideal” body should look like, which is often shaped by peers, social media, advertising, and sometimes, the adults around them. This is where positive representation of a wide array of bodies can be so helpful, because the closer your kid’s ideal image (how they’d like to see themselves) is to their self-image (i.e., the way they do see themselves), the higher their self-esteem is likely to be.  If all they see are narrow definitions of what good, healthy, beautiful bodies look like, however, the likelihood is that there’ll be a greater dissonance between how they want to look and how they actually look, putting them at risk of poor body image, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression and disordered eating.

Fortunately, there are several small, simple ways to create a more empowering environment for your child, which may also have a positive impact on your own body image.

Simple Ways to Nurture a Healthy Body Image

1. Use Kind Language

When you’ve grown up entrenched in diet culture, complaining about your weight, shape, appearance, and fitness can become second nature.  In fact, self-deprecation has become so commonplace that we even bond over body-bashing.  If this resonates, please be compassionate with yourself.  It’s not your fault; it’s the result of very heavy conditioning by an industry that profits enormously from people’s dissatisfaction and shame.  However, these passing remarks do set a precedent for kids, so it’s important to do what you can to change the narrative.  Try as much as you can to be respectful about your body, even if you don’t love it.  If you do notice yourself making negative comments about your own or someone else’s body, don’t beat yourself up.  Just name it and correct yourself with, “Actually, all bodies are good bodies including mine, and what really matters is what our bodies allow us to do.”  Remember, your kid might grow up to have a body just like yours one day.  Let them know it’s a body worthy of love, care, and respect. 

2. Focus on Function, Not Appearance

To this end, shifting your focus from what your body looks like to what it can do for you can help both you and your kid foster body appreciation.  Complimenting your kid on non-appearance-based aspects supports a sense of self-worth that is rooted in ability and effort rather than appearance, which is much less in their control.

3. Talk About Media Message

Kids are becoming exposed to filtered, curated images online, so supporting them in developing digital literacy and critical awareness is important.  Doing so helps them to recognise when an image or media message has been doctored and how and why it might influence them.  It also encourages them to develop emotional awareness by being mindful about how certain types of media impact their mood and self-view.  In turn this teaches how to curate their online experience to support rather than harm their mental health.

Being curious and having regular open conversations about the kind of media that interests your kid, how they think it was created, how it makes them feel and what the intention is behind the messaging will help your kid develop a critical eye and buffer them against harmful media messaging. 

4. Model Self-Care, Not Perfection

You don’t have to pretend to love everything about your body, but you can model respect for it.  Show your kid how you care for yourself through nourishing, satisfying meals, rest, movement you enjoy, and connection.  Let them see that self-worth isn’t tied to appearance and normalise looking after your own needs.

5. Celebrate Diversity

As I mentioned earlier, diverse representation of all types of bodies helps to create healthy and realistic ideal images.  Expose your child to books, films, artwork, and social media accounts that represent a range of body types, abilities, ethnicities, and gender expressions.  The more variety they see, the more they learn that beauty and worth come in a wide array of forms.

Body image isn’t a fixed entity, and even if you’ve had a poor relationship with your own body for many years, it’s still possible to improve it and nurture body confidence in your kid.  It’s also not about how you look, but about how you think, feel, and behave towards your body; things that are much easier to change than our body size, shape or defining features.  Start with small steps.  Finding one thing about your body to appreciate.  Shifting your focus from what you look like to what your body can do for you.  Curate your social media feeds so you’re surrounded by messages that promote body acceptance.  And get support; after all, body image is a relational experience, and spending time with people whom we feel connected to and accepted by fosters our own body image healing.

You don’t need to be perfect.  You just need to be present.

If you’re ready to feel better about your body and help your child grow up loving theirs, get your copy of Body Confident You, Body Confident Kid today and start taking practical steps towards lasting body confidence for you and your family.  

Buy the book HERE.

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