When a relationship ends, kindness can feel like the last thing on your mind. You might be hurt, angry, or exhausted from trying to make things work. But as Tosh Brittan – also known as the Divorce Goddess – shares in her conversation with Zoë Desmond on the Frolo Podcast, kindness isn’t weakness. It’s one of the smartest, most empowering tools you can use to navigate life after divorce or separation.

Kindness, Tosh says, is “clever.” It helps you keep your balance when everything around you feels uncertain. It doesn’t mean agreeing with everything your ex does or forgetting the pain of the past, but it does mean choosing your peace over conflict – and protecting the emotional stability of your children in the process.

Here’s how to bring that kind, calm energy into your co-parenting journey.

1. Redefine what kindness means

Many people think of kindness as something soft or passive. In reality, it’s a conscious decision to stay grounded, measured, and self-aware. When emotions are running high, kindness allows you to pause before reacting.

Instead of thinking, “If I’m kind, they’ll take advantage,” try reframing it as, “If I’m kind, I stay in control.”

That small shift in mindset helps you move from reacting to responding. You’re no longer handing over your power to your ex’s behaviour or words – you’re keeping it for yourself.

Try this:
Before replying to a message that triggers you, take three deep breaths and ask: “What’s my goal here?” If it’s to protect your peace, communicate clearly and calmly, or avoid escalation, kindness will help you get there.

2. Focus on what you can control

You can’t control your ex’s behaviour, their tone, or the choices they make – but you can control your own reactions. That’s where your real power lies.

Tosh talks about the importance of self-awareness: regularly checking in with yourself, noticing how your body feels, and recognising when stress or anger is building. It’s about staying emotionally present so you can choose how to respond, rather than being swept up in frustration.

Try this:
Start a simple daily check-in habit. At the end of each day, take a quiet moment to ask yourself three questions:

1. What went well today?
2. What challenged me?
3. How can I respond differently next time?

This small act of reflection builds emotional resilience over time – something every co-parent needs in abundance.

3. Create a calm, safe space at home

Divorce and separation can bring a lot of change for children, and one of the greatest gifts you can give them is a sense of consistency and calm. Tosh highlights how creating a safe environment at home helps everyone decompress and reconnect.

It doesn’t have to mean a perfect, peaceful household (no one has that!). It’s more about predictable routines and an atmosphere where emotions can be expressed without judgment.

Try this:

• Establish a comforting evening ritual – maybe reading together, sharing one good thing from the day, or a few minutes of quiet together before bed.
• Keep communication open. If your child is struggling with transitions, validate their feelings: “It’s okay to miss Dad while you’re here,” or “I know it feels strange when plans change.”

By modelling calm communication, you’re showing them how to manage emotions in a healthy way – a skill that will serve them for life.

4. Choose kindness in communication

Co-parenting communication can be one of the trickiest parts of post-divorce life. Messages can be misread, emotions can flare up, and sometimes even practical topics can turn tense.

Tosh suggests using kindness as a filter – both in tone and intention. When you choose calm, respectful communication, it reduces defensiveness on both sides and helps things stay focused on the children.

Try this:

• Keep messages short, neutral, and factual.
• Avoid emotional language or blame.
• If things feel heated, step away and come back to it later.

When you’re unsure, imagine you’re writing to a colleague rather than an ex – it can help you strike a balanced tone that’s clear and professional.

5. Build micro-habits that support your wellbeing

Kindness also applies to yourself. Going through divorce or adjusting to co-parenting can be emotionally draining, and it’s easy to forget your own needs while managing everyone else’s.

Tosh encourages people to build small, sustainable habits that restore energy and clarity – things that bring you back to yourself.

Try this:

• Begin your morning with two minutes of deep breathing before looking at your phone.
• Keep a “kindness list” – a few quick things you can do when you’re feeling low, such as stepping outside, texting a friend, or making a cup of tea and sitting quietly.
• Set gentle boundaries around your time and energy. You don’t have to say yes to every request or explanation.

When you treat yourself with kindness, you model that same respect for your children and show them that healing takes time and care.

6. Use humility to move forward

There’s a quiet strength in being able to say, “I don’t have all the answers,” or “I’m learning as I go.” Tosh talks about humility as a form of wisdom – an acknowledgment that growth often comes from discomfort.

You don’t have to have the perfect co-parenting relationship, or handle every challenge flawlessly. Showing your children that you’re human, that you can apologise, and that you can adapt, teaches them that it’s okay to make mistakes and start again.

Try this:
The next time you catch yourself feeling defensive or frustrated, take a breath and ask, “What can I learn from this?” Even small moments of reflection build resilience and help you grow stronger with time.

7. Find your support network

No one should have to navigate co-parenting or divorce alone. Tosh’s work is all about helping people feel seen, supported, and empowered – and that’s exactly what Frolo is here for too.

Frolo’s community of single parents is built on empathy and connection. Whether you’re co-parenting, parallel parenting, or flying solo, you’ll find others who understand the challenges and the victories that come with rebuilding after a separation.

Join group chats, attend meetups, or just scroll through the app when you need reassurance that you’re not the only one figuring it out. Sometimes kindness starts simply by giving yourself permission to reach out.

Final thoughts

Kindness doesn’t mean you have to forget the past or ignore hurtful behaviour. It means you choose peace over power struggles, compassion over chaos, and steady growth over instant reactions.

As Tosh Brittan reminds us, “Kindness is clever.” It keeps you centred in the moments that matter most – when your children need calm, when your emotions run high, and when you’re trying to build a future that feels lighter and more hopeful.

So next time you’re faced with a difficult message, a change of plans, or an emotional moment, take a breath and ask yourself: What would kindness do here?

You might be surprised by how much strength it brings.

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