There are achievements you know you’re supposed to celebrate, like getting a qualification or a new job, and then there are the ones that happen at home on a Tuesday evening, witnessed only by your children and an unhelpfully illustrated instruction booklet. You put up the blind. You assemble the chair. You get everyone through another change of school, keeping track of the forms and the worries as well as the new uniform. There might not be anybody beside you to say, “Well done, that was a lot,” and by the time you’ve finished there’s usually something else that needs doing. It’s easy to move straight on without giving yourself much credit.

When we asked the Frolo community about the things they were proud of doing as single parents, the replies included home improvements, new skills and the daily work of keeping a family going. Some were funny, some carried the weight of a much bigger story, and several involved flat-pack furniture. Together, they offered a lovely glimpse of what other single parents are managing behind their own front doors, often without an audience and sometimes without the right screwdriver.

The satisfaction of doing it yourself

Decorating and furniture assembly came up again and again. Jolanta had painted her flat and assembled her daughter’s desk chair, explaining that she couldn’t say she enjoyed it, but was proud of herself. That feels like a useful distinction. An achievement doesn’t have to reveal a previously undiscovered passion for sanding skirting boards. Sometimes you do something because it needs doing, discover that it’s harder than it looked, and feel pleased with yourself when it’s finally finished. You’re allowed to enjoy the result without volunteering to do everybody else’s next.

One member described building her daughter’s mid-sleeper bed from IKEA, battling stubborn nails and ending up with blisters on her fingers. The same comment included putting up a flower lampshade and removing a spider from the bathroom because the children wouldn’t go in to brush their teeth. It’s a very recognisable combination: a substantial project, a smaller improvement you’ve wanted for yourself, and an urgent intervention on behalf of people who are supposed to be getting ready for bed. Each needs a slightly different sort of determination, and all of them count.

For some members, confidence had grown across a whole collection of practical jobs. AnnaG listed blinds, shelves, resealing the shower and regrouting floor tiles among her achievements, while another member mentioned the car maintenance she could manage herself. There’s a particular pleasure in learning how something works and knowing you have another option next time it goes wrong. There’s also no requirement to keep expanding your responsibilities indefinitely: knowing when to ask for help or pay someone with the right expertise is a useful skill too.

Building something for yourself

Some of the replies held more than one achievement at once. Niyat wrote: “Decorating my whole house while studying aesthetics even though English isn't my first language. I’m really proud of how far I’ve come.” There’s a lot in those two sentences: the practical work of making a home, the commitment involved in studying and the additional effort of doing it in another language. It’s especially lovely that she gives herself that recognition. After all the energy spent getting on with things, being able to look back and see your own progress deserves space as well.

Another member talked about enjoying cooking homemade food after an ex had never let them cook. A sentence about dinner can contain a much bigger change in someone’s life. Learning a skill might mean discovering that you enjoy it, but it can also mean having the freedom to try, make mistakes and decide how things happen in your own home. Those achievements can be difficult to explain to somebody who only sees the meal on the table. Within a community of single parents, there’s often someone who understands why it matters.

Keeping the whole family moving

Not every achievement leaves you with a freshly painted wall to admire. Simon described supporting his children through school and college transitions, exams, university and work placements, alongside additional needs and the disruption of Covid. His list of roles included provider, organiser, cook, homework helper, chauffeur, nurse and encourager. It’s a reminder of how much can sit behind an apparently straightforward milestone. A child arrives at their next stage, and behind them are the conversations, appointments, lifts and ordinary evenings that helped them get there.

Another member was proud of being organised, on time and able to juggle homework with cooking dinner. The temptation is to put a “just” in front of that sort of achievement, as though keeping several people’s lives moving is a minor administrative task. Yet anyone who has tried to supervise homework while watching a pan and remembering what needs to go back to school tomorrow will recognise the work involved. If your skills have become so familiar that you barely notice using them, it doesn’t mean they’ve stopped being skills.

You may have been doing a lot of it already

There was an important complication in the replies too. For some members, becoming a single parent hadn’t introduced a whole new set of responsibilities, because they’d already been doing most of them. Helen explained that she couldn’t think of much she wouldn’t have had to do if her former partner were still around. She had put up a blind and attached a key safe to an outside wall, but suspected that previously she would simply have spent a long time asking for those jobs to be done. “If I could have double me that would be perfect!” she wrote.

That matters because there isn’t one shared story about what single parenthood teaches you. You might have learned a great deal since becoming a single parent, or you might mainly have gained a clearer view of what you were carrying already. You can feel proud of being capable and still wish you had more support. You can be pleased you finished a job and annoyed that it landed on your list in the first place. Celebrating what you’ve done doesn’t oblige you to be grateful for every difficult circumstance that made it necessary.

Leave some room for the smaller wins

Among the larger achievements was a reply from Graham, celebrating tying his shoelace that morning without banging his head on the table. There’s room for that sort of win here too. A conversation about pride can quickly become another opportunity to compare yourself with people who seem to be managing more, particularly if somebody has redecorated an entire home while you’ve been considering the same pile of washing for three days. The point of sharing these moments is to give ourselves and one another a bit of recognition. Nobody needs to pass an entrance exam in competence first.

As half term approaches, it might be worth noticing one thing you would normally rush past. Perhaps you’ve sorted a childcare problem, asked another parent to meet up, finished something you’d been putting off or made a sensible decision to leave it for another week. You don’t need to turn it into an inspirational lesson. You can simply say, “That took some doing, and I did it.” And if there isn’t anybody at home who appreciates quite what went into it, come and tell the Frolo community. There’s a good chance someone else is standing beside a newly assembled chair, ready to cheer you on.

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