Co-parenting is often held up as the gold standard after separation. Shared decisions. Open communication. Everyone working together for the children. And sometimes, despite your best efforts, it just doesn’t work like that.

If communication feels constantly confrontational, emotionally draining, or unsafe, parallel parenting may be a healthier option.

What is parallel parenting?

Parallel parenting is about reducing direct contact between parents. Each parent manages their own household, routines, and parenting decisions during their time, with minimal interaction. It’s not about being cold or uncaring. It’s about protecting everyone’s wellbeing.

Signs co-parenting might not be right for you

You might be considering a shift if every interaction escalates into conflict, messages leave you anxious for hours, or you feel constantly undermined. If communication is harming your mental health, it’s okay to change approach.

1. Reframe the goal

The goal is no longer collaboration. The goal is peace. Parallel parenting allows you to focus on being a calm, present parent in your own home, without constant negotiation or tension.

2. Reduce communication to essentials only

Keep communication factual, brief, and child-focused. Logistics only. Drop explanations, justifications, and emotional commentary. This is not about winning or proving a point. It’s about getting through the exchange with minimal impact.

3. Use written communication where possible

Written messages give you time to respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally. They also create clarity and reduce misunderstandings. If necessary, stick to one platform and one topic per message.

4. Let go of control over the other household

This is one of the hardest parts. Your ex will do things differently. That does not mean they are wrong or that you need to intervene. Focus on what you can control, which is your own parenting space.

5. Establish clear boundaries

Boundaries are not punishments. They are protections. Decide what you will and won’t engage with. You do not have to respond immediately. You do not have to respond to provocation. Silence can be a boundary too.

6. Support your children emotionally, not administratively

Children don’t need detailed explanations or to carry messages between homes. They need reassurance, consistency, and permission to love both parents without feeling caught in the middle.

7. Get support from people who understand

Parallel parenting can feel isolating because it doesn’t match the idealised version of “successful co-parenting”. Talking to other single parents who have made the same shift can be hugely validating and reassuring. Find the Parallel Parenting Group Chat on the Frolo app for a ready made support network.

Choosing parallel parenting is not a failure. For many families, it’s the path to calmer homes, happier children, and a parent who has enough emotional energy left to actually enjoy their time together.

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